I was going to work Tuesday but opted to stay home since Logan was sick. I was going to spend time with him but Matt ended up staying home with him instead. But I got a lot of errands done. I went for bikini waxing at the salon in Derby, (I didn't feel like driving out of town for that,) and I also got to drop three skirts off to get altered. In the evening time Matt went back to work and Jennifer stayed home with the kiddies so I dropped by before heading out for the night.
I had dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings with Chuck and Eli. Then I brought bubbly over to Ray's and watched The Chronicle of Riddick on TV. This morning I got up extra early considering I didn't have to work and got almost all of my Christmas shopping done. Woohoo! I had lunch with Ray then wrapped presents with Mom and Logan. Logan wrote all the name tags!
I'm on my way out the door to eat dinner with Brandon and I think we're going out - not sure. I also took pics from the last night we went out but probably won't get to that until Friday =D
Here's a little note to share with everyone. I just received it through my MySpace mail, from Eli. Scary!
So here's a picture of your magnet.
And this is your magnet being held hostage.
You should take our demands very seriously.
I have this thing for magnets from other places. When Eli went to Japan he brought back a magnet for me. Well, it was for me, but he was "keeping it hostage" so I had to Ninja my way into his house, a.k.a. get invited in, and then walked out with the magnet without him noticing. I sent him a phonecam picture of it the next day. So now, he's advised me that he has a magnet from his last trip to New York. He's sending me pictures to motivate me to make a Ninja sequel =D Stay tuned.
Not just another birthday. Possibly the best birthday ever. I don't even know what I did to deserve all these loving people around me. I seriously woke up this morning in the worst mood ever and now I don't even know why. I was sulking all day at work thinking no one cares, it's just another freakin' birthday, no one has planned anything, there's nothing special. So I thought I'll go out and drink and celebrate my own way and it'll pass just like every other day.
I planned on being at the Anchor with Eli. Brandon calls and asks if I'm going to see him tomorrow. I think probably not since Sunday is usually my day of rest, he says he got me a present so he will go out tonight to deliver it to me. A present? From a guy I've known a week and a half at the most? Hahahahahahaha! He jokes and says it's a puppy and since he boxed it he has to give it to me before it runs out of air. Well, atleast he knows I've been wanting a puppy.
I meet him at the Anchor introduce him to Eli, and surprisingly enough they get along. Dorks! We mix old inside jokes and new inside jokes seemlessly. Sara and Megan walk in and it's an immediate party. It turns midnight. Happy Birthday! The whole night was an absolute blast. I think Megan and Brandon might hook up. Ooh La La! <- new inside joke.
When it's time to leave we hug and I open my present in solitude in my car. I think I should've waited til I was home or til I was sober because I was ripping the wrapping and that's not usually my custom. My first present (because there was a few in the bag) was a good luck kitty. This almost made me cry.
Anyone who knows me knows I'm a very sentimental person. I couldn't believe that of all people Brandon would be the one to get this about me. All week we had been talking about the good luck kitties in the Chinese restaurants and how hilarious they were. He said he always wanted one, and I told him I want the one with the arms that move because that is freaky cool. And that's what I got. Immediately I thought, "This is so worth reading the card first." I was right.
First of all, he has taken to calling me a Micro. Thanks, Becky. Because I'm sure I never mentioned that to him. Secondly, he got me a puppy! So sweet! And he's taken to attacking my age because I've taken to calling him old. He's 28, and so I pick on him and say he'll still die before I do =)
Oh, and while we were in the Anchor he gave hints that my present would get me over my slump, but it's not a sex toy. (Yeah, he's funny too.) So my third present I opened...
...which I'm wearing tomorrow. And for the finale the best present ever which needs a little introduction -
Wednesday we went to lunch and then since we were both not working decided to go shopping for a new cellphone for him. We didn't find a phone so we decided to go bowling. I was wearing a sweater and it was nice out so I told him since we were at the mall I need to buy a shirt to change into so I'm not so hot. (By the way he offered to buy the shirt for me but I told him not to because that would have been weird.) While we were trying to find me a shirt I saw a crochet top that almost looked like a dress and I pointed at it and said "I could so rock that." He said, yes, and that was it. No one else would have thought twice.
Need I say more?
Tomorrow Ching and Brian are coming over before I go to work again. I'm supposed to have Tuesday and Wednesday off, but I might try to work Tuesday and get Thursday off instead since that's Brandon's day off and he said he wanted to go out for dinner. We might try to hook up with Megan and Sara again, we'll see. Either way I know for sure I have more presents, atleast from Ching, but I probably won't get to blog it unitl tomorrow night so I wanted to get these in now. I called Brandon before I drove off of the Anchor parking lot to let him know these are the absolute best presents and how much I loved them.
Dentis appointment went by quick. On my way downtown. Ray and I planned to get sushi for lunch, and I think he also asked to eat dinner tonight downtown. After lunch is my tongue repiercing so I'm gonna make this meal count. I'm not sure what kind of soreness is involved in repiercing a tongue.
Anyway stole Becky's pic. Per previous comment she's having issues, most likely because her Photobucket account is set on private. We'll just have to wait.
This is the Shea Vision crew from way back when. According to Becky the time spanned from 2002-2003. I don't remember and I refuse to try to remember. It's my day off, no thinking will be accomplished, just a lot of impulse, thank you.
Spent the night over at Ray's - currently killing time until my dentist appointment which is 10 minutes away from here. Today is my scheduled day for repiercing too, so I cannot wait. Waiting for 8am to start calling and making an appointment. First available - that should be my personal mantra.
Last night at work was almost torture. Nothing to do. I think people are resting up for the Christmas shoplifting spree. Brandon did stop by to NOT say hi. I see a glimpse of his face, he stands by my desk for 10 seconds and he's turned away to go. I called his cell later on and he said he came in to get a case for court tomorrow and saw I was on the phone so he left. Such a cop out! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I was sorta upset since I'd never since him in uniform before. I should catch it next time and snap a pic, send it to Becky because I don't think she's seen him in brown either. Anyway, I wish he'd stayed our squad brought Thanksgiving dinner, yeah kinda early, so we had turkey, potatoes, stuffing and everything else. I even brought the Welch's grape juice pseudo wine. I kept telling Bill, "If you try real hard, it almost tastes like Lambic." Yes, we were bored.
Anyway, can't make this long, I sorta didn't even ask Ray if I can use the 'puter. First I got on to find a piercer close by, then I transferred money from Savings to Checking to fund the rest of my day. Blogging is not a necessity so I might be in big trouble. I'm also half tempted to upload the pic he took this morning. He snapped a shot of me sleeping because I remember the flash but I haven't seen it because I don't want to touch his stuff without asking first. Maybe tonight I can semi convince him to let me. Anyway, almost 8am gonna log off get ready and start making calls.
Becky left Friday morning, which was a little bittersweet. Of course, I'll be seeing her again when I make it to Memphis in May, so not too far to go. Seems like this whole week flew by.
Friday night I met Brandon and his friends at Indigo. It was pretty...interesting. I've already given Brandon enough grief about it so I'll spare the rest of you. Saturday went to the Pumphouse with Brandon. He managed to finally win a couple rounds of pool, and seems to be just as addicted to Megatouching as I am. Oops! I also bumped into Greg, Sean and Kevin, some old buddies from way way back.
Today I was tempted to call in but didn't. I felt a little ill but since it was all my fault (was out every night since Monday) I decided I'd have to tough it out. Work Kevin did confirm I felt a little warm. Poor me.
Anyway, I decided to stay in tonight and get some much needed rest. Brandon has to work Monday and Tuesday then gets another four day holiday so I'm hoping he'll invite me to do something Wednesday. HINT HINT.
Either way, i just finally finished Bill's Bukowski book that he lent me, and I returned it with a little apology note for taking so long. I'm back to my Crime and Punishment book again, and hopefully I can finally finish reading it with no interruptions.
BTW, I know I'm lacking pics but I left the picture taking to Becky and she is yet to upload so everyone be patient. I know there's a real good one in there that I want a copy of, but probably won't post since I don't want Jake to get in trouble with his gf =D
This whole non weekend has been crazy hectic. It's Becky's last week in town so we tried to take advantage of all our free time. Went out Tuesday and Wednesday nad probably some more tonight.
My interview with the Lieutenant went well, I guess. Another Lieutenant was there and so was the Captain. I guess I'll just wait and see. Did I mention if I get this spot I get to work four 10 hour days and end up with Thursday, Friday and Saturday off? How cool would that be?
My crush on Mystery Man Part Deux fell through. It's a Ray thing. Ray's been real supportive lately. Not sure if that's part of him trying to make up or not. Maybe just trying not to get a restraining order put on him =D. Actually I've seen him the last three days and haven't gone long without talking to him. He's really stressed about school right now, and actually called me while I was out last night because he was having a hard time getting a hold of Ching about missing a quiz.
Either way everything's been pretty mellow on the drama scale. Just a lot of getting things done. Even ate dinner at Carla's with Paul and her family who are visiting for the holidays. It was awesome as usual. No pictures though.
P.S. Mr. Reese made an appearance last night. This blog is so not structured only because I'm pressed on time, I'm watching my TV show online, and I'm hungry. So laters!
Ugh! Went in for my interview yesterday but it was cancelled 30 minutes right before. I guess I can't expect Lieutenants to have actualy guaranteed free time. So I just started working early and got to leave early. Tried to go to Morts with Becky but she says they were too crowded so I drove by to pick her up and we drove to Pumphouse. Brandon met us there. We got him hooked on the Megatouch. We also played a ton of pool games, and we decided I not only drive better drunk I also play pool better drunk. Either way, I called him about 30 minutes ago to make sure he made it to work, he says yes, but the beer is seeping out of his skin. Hahahahahahaha! I wonder if he's sporting the cop Oakley's right about now.
Anyway, Becky's car was left downtown so I'm going to plan on picking her up to get that after she gets off work. Hmmmm....I wonder if she made it to work.
Well, I'm hungry and I need to shower. I'll blog some more some other time.
Okay, time to buckle down. Gotta start the whole homework shananigans again now that the weekend is winding down. As well, the big day is tomorrow, ahhhhhhhhhh! I'm trying not to freak out but it's so unavoidable. Especially with everything that's been going on, I'm just too damn excitable these days.
Last night was absolutely unforgettable. I'm in high school again, it feels like. Wanna see how much my maturity level has dropped? Check out my music video pick for the day.
"Ooh, I wish I could tell somebody, but there's no one to talk to, nobody knows."
Well, maybe Becky knows, and Stephanie, and Patty, and most defintely Kevin will hear about it when he comes in to work today. Hahahahahahahahahaha! I'm a big geek. Let's see what should we dub the blue eyed prince? Mystery Man Part Deux? Hahahahahaha! Light blue eyes! That's what I kept repeating to Becky over and over last night. Light blue eyes! With dark brown hair! Hahahahahahaha!
Okay, okay, I have to move on, can't talk too much about it yet. Ahem!
Becky and I were out and about again. Went to Finns, Pumphouse and then Biggins. Big thumbs up for Trey and Sam (neither being Mystery Man, not even close) for putting up with our put downs. "I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm gonna shoot you straight." It was hilarious! Oh, and let's not forget THE Best Man. Some random kid shaking everyone's hand telling them he's the best man. I asked "Best out of what?" He said best out of 8. I'm not too proud of that, I'd aim for being best out of atleast 100. =D
I'm being snotty again. Trey says I'm cold, but I'm not I just like making jokes is all. It's all in good fun, kids. Besides I think we established last night that Becky was colder. I was a pinch away from being "legit" or so they said.
Oh, it's gonna be hard trying to focus on school and work after all of these shananigans. But I must. I have to still finish reading Bill's book so I can return it promptly. I hate when people don't return my books so I don't want to do that to anyone else.
BTW, Ray's not using his website I created for him, so I think I'll turn it into something else. I don't think he'll mind he's not big on blogging and stuff as everyone knows. Plus, he's been real busy lately with school and work so I'm sure he doesn't need that right now. I'd hate to waste the template. Anyway, it'll be under construction maybe starting Tuesday when I have more time. I'll have to create a new banner.
There's already a big list of to-do's for the new week. Carla's mentioned having dinner at her house again, maybe Tuesday or Wednesday, and I don't want to miss that. Seriously, there's more but there's so much I'd have to pull out my planner to list them all. I've too much in my head, and with the Mandy Moore music it's almost all I can handle. =P
Of course I went to work last night, there is always that. We were actually not busy so I was basically just on the phone giving the officers a hard time. Veteran's Day rawks!
Bill brought a Bukowski book to work to lend to me. So far so awesome... I started reading it immediately, and plan to be done by the time Bill is back to work which will be Monday.
Sometimes I fancy myself as the love child of Bukowski and Anais Nin. Don't ask. =D
I also spent most of the last part of the night (hahahahahahaha) making Jacob's SIX PAGE goodbye card. I'm trying to top the 5 page handmade card weird stalker chick gave him. =P We are mean people. Hopefully I get a chance to give it to him tonight.
Of course I went out last night, there's always that too. I actually can't talk about it yet, just run it through my head a couple more times. It was the bestest. I will have a permanent crazy secret smirk all day long. For sure I woke up this morning in the best way possible, which should set me up for the rest of the day in the best mood possible. We'll see what happens tonight. I'm hoping more of the same =D
Woke up extra early and caught up on my Ugly Betty addiction. (I have a crush on Daniel Mead, shhhh!) I'm planning on getting ready for work early and heading out to seek shoes and a shirt to go with my suit for my Monday interview. Ray bought the suit a couple weeks back and I've designated it my interview suit since, so it's still to be worn. I'll take a pic when the outfit is complete. I have a pretty good idea what I want it to look like so this should be a quick mall trip. I'm not looking forward to being outside since it's gotten colder, but thank goodness it's jeans day and I won't have to deal with the bitter cold wind blowing through my slacks. Anyway, I've only got enough time for a quick breakfast before I jump in the shower.
And yes, I know last night's blog has typos, I would change them but I wanted to leave it at it's natural drunken blog state. Happy Friday everyone, hopefully I see most of you out tonight.
Okay, not all. I know who visits my site. I know someone checks my site from work almost every other day. And someone change connections but checks in so regularly you can almost guess their daily schedule. C'mon people, I'm more computer literate than that. Especially you two!
So someone somewhere must be wondering what I've been up to. Well, I've just come home from work/drinking, hahahahahahaha! Barely able to type but I'm trying.
Work was fun as usual. I was missing Kevin who usually goes to Taco Bell for me to get my dinner. He asked for phone cam captures to get him by his sick day, but he's been asking for those since he tried to look at my phone and I protectively held it back. It's Ray's pics that we stored in my phone while he swapped his out from being broken. I still don't know where to store them now, but I'll have to discard soon before I carelessly let someone check my phone out. Either way I sent him a picture of Bill flipping the bird instead =P
Went to Punphouse after work for a quick drink and a couple games of megatouch. Bumped into a few friends, got a nice snappy back massage, all well.
Ah. I'm pooped. My email buddy didn't email me tonight so I am bummed, but I'm hoping he was just busy. I know North Carolina is not that hopping so I better get an email before I go to work tomorrow!
Hahahahahaha! I'm feeling feisty better get to bed before I blog anything inappropriate...if I haven't already.
These past two days were the most fun filled. I've been able to stay home and hang out with Logan, and I've been able to do more studying and organizing. Currently catching up on some TV shows I missed going out last night.
Tuesday, Becky gave me my birthday/Christmas presents. I got Victoria Secret smell-good lotion. I wore the sensual one last night and I felt sensual all night so I know it works =P I also got a special ordered bracelet. Becky had to special order it to have yellow gold put in it. She knows me so well. And then some migraine medicine, 'coz she looks out for me too.
We ate dinner Tuesday at PF Chang's with chicken lettuce wrap, mongolian beef with eggplants instead of scallions and banana spring rolls. She loved it, and now she knows why it's my fave.
We went out for a bit, a had sake at Chang's so not a lot of drinking afterwards. Just megatouching.
Wednesday I was set to just clean and study. I went out to run one errand and ended up getting the best phone call! They have set my interview for the spot I've been dying for. Ahhhhhhhhh! Lieutenant was going to wait until Thursday to give me my packet but I couldn't stand the excitement so I asked him to just leave it at the front desk and I came by to pick it up.
I went to the mall and I was going to buy myself shoses for the big day. Unfortunately, as always I had a hard time finding ones I love. And I can't settle for anything less than what I love. So instead I bought myself a new 14k belly button ring. Because I deserve it.
I'm also planning on getting my tongue re-pierced after my whole crowning ordeal. No not crowning into royalty, but crowning of my teeth. Besides it wouldn't be good to do my interview unable to speak.
I got a congratulations present from a friend of mine, so thoughtful. A leather zip-up ring binder, he'd been holding on to it, or so he says, because he knew I would get it. I feel so official. Hee hee! But I haven't gotten the job yet, so cross your fingers. I don't enjoy the crash and burn.
I'm so happy for all my friends that take care of me and support me. Even Jacob who constantly disappears into the night to talk to his girlfriend on the phone. Also to BobbyJ, for helping me try to locate Jacob in the Men's restroom. Thank you! BTW, Jacob wasn't in there he was outside on the phone. And of course my Becky. Who also bought our dinner last night at Old Chicago. Yeah, I mentioned it again, hahahahahahahaha!
Well, Logan's home sick from school today and Matt's picking him up at noon...or so he says =P So I'm gonna chill with him before work. Bye, bye everyone!
I know, I know. But really I have an excuse. Okay, starting Tuesday, October 31st which was Halloween, I had a dentist appointment in the morning and then had to get food from Philippine Grille to take to work for our Halloween party. Wednesday I had lunch with Ray at Uptown Bistro, went to Patrol North to observe (I applied for a transfer there) and then picked Logan up with Mom and went to Toys R Us with him to see what he wanted for Christmas. Wednesday night, of course, went out with Becky. I seriously can't remember Thursday, but I know that Mom's been asking me to get my room in her house cleaned up, so I'm sure I attempted something like that, and as well got my nails done sometime during the day. I remember Logan got home from school and asked me if my room was clean. I said "No" and he immediately followed with "Why not? Lala asked you to, and she wanted it done before she got home." I told him, I didn't hear her, so he was also quick to defend me when Lala stepped in the house. Isn't he cute? Thursday night went out again. Actually stayed out longer than was anticipated but it was a great night all in all. Friday I was back to work but it was still the weekend so basically I went out Friday night and Saturday night. Sunday morning was the brunch at Legends with la familia for Ching's birthday celebration. I was stuffed! Ray didn't get to make it, he had family matters he had to attend to. Dad didn't go because he's antisocial. So it was Donna, David, Brian's grandparents. Brian, Ching, Fiefel, Me and Mom. I browsed the mall with Becky awhile before heading to work. Then Sunday night I went out but only for one drink =P Monday night Ray and I soaked in the hot tub and "christened" it. I love hot tubs, moonlights and stars.
Now it's Tuesday. I've been to the dentist and handed over $360 hard earned dollars for a new crown. I already called the Lieutant at Patrol North and he stated I should receive a packet to study soon and he'll let me know by Thursday when the interview process will start for the other position. I am very excited! I want that spot so badly. I'm going to clean up a little bit more at Mom's and try to get in a quick nap. Actually already in Derby and I'm thinking of scavenging for food. Eventhough I have just gotten done eating lunch with Ray I feel like munching some more. I am a hungry baby. Also, I have studying to do, especially since finals are getting closer and closer.
So there's an entire week of recap crap. The long version of the same old "I'm busy" excuse. Much more than being busy I'm too highly motivated for my own good. A lot of new projects I'd like to start, a lot of book I want to buy to read, also the urge to write again, but right now I have to just restrain myself and finish the plate that's already in front of me. Concentrate on finishing the semester up, and getting all the to-do's I've already prioritized done.
Becky and Jacob will only be here for another week and a half as well, so I'd rather keep as much free time free to spend some time with them before they go.
BTW, let me leave everyone with Jolie Holland - Old Fashioned Morphine, it rocks! Kinda how I feel sometimes when life gets hectic. But if you can't have the real thing, the song is good enough for relaxing and unwinding.
Daily extended (by Astrology.com) A big personality who is long on talking and short on doing will frustrate you today. Beware of the people who brag the most, because they usually have the least to brag about. This person is all talk and no action -- and is absolutely no threat to you whatsoever. Your best tactic is to keep your head down, embrace modesty and let your actions speak for you. Making a lot of noise and churning up clouds of hot air have never been your style, so don't start now!
I had a ballerina jewelry box my aunt brought me from England when I was a little girl. I didn't have much jewelry back then but I remembered the box smelled nice and the ballerina was pretty. Of course, it broke and was forgotten, but I've been wanting to get another one forever now. It's just so hard to find nowadays. But here it is. Makes me a little teary eyed knowing it's just out there waiting for me to claim it.
You know what would be even sweeter? If somebody bought it for me =P
You're ruling the way that I move And I breathe your air You only can rescue me This is my prayer If you were mine If you were mine I wouldn't want to go to heaven
I cherish the day I won't go astray I won't be afraid You won't catch me running You're ruling the way that I move You take my air
You show me how deep love can be
You're ruling the way that I move And I breathe your air You only can rescue me This is my prayer
I Cherish the Day I won't go astray I won't be afraid You won't catch me running I Cherish the Day I won't go astray I won't be afraid Won't run away
You show me how deep love can be You show me how deep love can be This is my prayer
I Cherish the Day I won't go astray I won't be afraid Won't run away Won't shy
I Cherish the Day I won't go astray
I Cherish the Day I Cherish the Day I Cherish the Day I Cherish the Day I Cherish the Day
More than three years ago, I was a woman in love with being in love. I created the A, B, C, D, and E list. For fun, and nostalgic reasons, let's try to look back and update. This is from a previous blog from long ways back, here goes...
08/20/2003 A,B,C,D, or E. (no names will be given, Eli knows and will give them out at his discretion.)
A - an exboyfriend. I don't even have the energy to count from how many moons it was since we "officially" parted ways. Of course, there have been the occasional occurences when we do cross paths, but nothing that ever compelled us to get back together. Since I broke my cell phone and lost everyone's number I've lost touch with him, but lo! and behold, he found a way to get in touch with me. We spent some time back tracking about the good and bad of our past relationship, and slowly everything was justified. I told him that it was a little too late to give me all this info now, but he said now he was actually in the mood to bond. (For those who don't know, bonding is one of my favorite past times.) So, currently, there are plans, and non plans, and everything is tentative.
B - an ex-"involvement". Amidst all complications, I happened to fall for him. Some would say, because I enjoy the drama. Not so long ago, however, the drama got old, and I detached, and inevitably found new and creative distractions. Of course, however hard I tried to stay out of touch, I didn't. Good plan, we are now reunited in good company and conversation. I have placed an imaginary wall, so I can safely buddy-up with him without starting the game all over again. Though right now I am doubting my skills as an imaginary brick layer. I mean, it's hard to stick to the other side of the room while he's laying down giving you googlie eyes.
C - a new friend? Met through happenstance at my new place of employment. He's beautiful, like the rest, smart, and sweet. He's attentive, charismatic, and oh-so cuddly. The future is a lot harder to see, plan, or scheme on this one, however. There are a lot of doubts from my end. I don't know what he wants, and if it's more than what I can offer, I don't know how well he would be at taking disappointment. Consider also, that though I have never met the man before, he is apparently well engraved within my circle of friends. Actually, in every circle of friends I have. You know, that can potentially cause a lot of damage, if he were the vengeful bitter type. People need be careful of their reputations, or atleast I do.
D - a singer. No, not Jason Mraz. A guy that grabbed my attention solely because he resembled Guy B so much. The resemblance covers their physique, their charm, their musical abilities, and I found out a couple days ago that it even goes to cover their last names. He is not much on conversation, but big on smiling and staring and making suggestive comments that he never seems to back up with anything but talk. He has a voice I can easily fall for, or sleep to, which means it's awesome. Of course, I've been trying to kick him out of contention for some time now, but something about him, and something about me, is hindering this whole process.
E - aka "Mystery Man". Still so much out of my league. Though for all it's worth, he's the only one I can safely dream and fantasize about, because the impossibilities of the situation keeps me from ever really investing any true emotions. A little crush never sent anyone bar hopping, binge drinking, or drunk mass emailing. He has everything I would list as qualifications to being a good lover/partner, however, and is a good model of what I want and need. He's good humoured, mild tempered, well mannered, etc. etc. That in itself, though well beyond my reach, inspires me to keep on searching, and also, inspires real pretty poetry. And poetry is what he is.
And there we have it. All put out, and organized, and easy to sort. Of course, I'm not in any hurry to pick, choose, and settle. No! No, dear friends! I am very much in my niche right now, and comfortable just dwelling in the complications of my non-relationships. I am not anxious to start one, and watch the inevitable failure and demise of it. Allow me a month or so, just to sit and review the facts, adding and deleting names as I see fit, without the complications of having to rationalize, and justify why it is that I seem to be meant for nobody.
09/24/2003 A, B, C, D and E continued...
A - I visited and stayed with during the last Joe Fund show in Pitt. Nothing happened. I had been so tired with pulling double shifts at work that I really didn't mind not having the usual big shibang during weekends when I do visit. I even welcomed his new Playstation toy that basically kept him and his friends occupied, and gave me tons of time to sleep. This visit, no arguments, but it was clear - we can never go back. I'm glad to announce however that we have bonded enough to remain good friends. I left early in the morning with one last hug. I will always hold him in high regards.
B - Though my imaginary brick laying skills may not be good, circumstances helped fortify my imaginary wall. Googlie eyed, and still fully inspiring but still surrounded by complications. The more I see who he is, the more I understand why it was hard for him to open up. I will always admire him, however, for his talent, for his goals, for his views that never seemed to agree with mine. With enough motivation, maybe his dream of getting out of this town will come true. I hope it does, he deserves everything.
C - No, he is not at all the vengeful bitter type. And now, it's not a question of what he wants, but what I want, and how well I am with taking disappointment. I'm trying to keep him at arms length emotionally. Every moment with him I can't help but think, "I've met you before. I know who you are. You will leave too."
D - Great voice, but now I know why I was itching to list him off. Great voice, and really, hindsight being as it is, there was nothing about him. I haven't seen the smiling, and staring, or heard his singing for awhile. I hope he's doing well and I will always remember when he did manage to make me smile. I guess sometimes you just know when something is not at all going to work out. He was a Leo after all.
E - Mystery Man to some of you is not such a mystery anymore. His smile can still brighten my day better than 10mg of Valium. His eyes will still always make me blush. And it still only takes 60 seconds withing conversating with him before I start to stutter. But that's who he his, and that's the kind of reaction he gets from everyone, I would guess. I had a crush, and like most crushes, slowly it's fading away. There's a sadness in this process, because I found that infatuation to be very healthy, and helpful in distracting me from everything that might have gone wrong at the time. Everytime things seemed futile I would shrug and go, "Oh, well, I'm gonna go stare at Mystery Man and forget about it." Maybe by the time the crush is completely crushed I can find another impossible possibility to take his place. Then again, I will always have Mraz.
So, the list dwindles, but in a way it's just getting longer. I'm yet to tackle organizing my address book to jot down recent additions to my phone list. But I have the important ones memorized, and I guess for now that suffices.
On an extra note, lately, when I find myself with spare time, I know who it is I want to call or spend my time with. I think right now he surpasses the list. I am under great belief that maybe I've found a friend.
12/12/2003
Today...
The wind whispered something suspicious And the sun smiled with knowledge of some inside joke I sat inside waiting for it to rain convinced that the world is against me I watched a flock of birds bath in a pool of mud The world is against them too
Mystery Man is gone...Guy A,B,D, and whoever else is gone...The new season is here, and I'm left to start a new. Not completely, I've concentrated all efforts on one man, without meaning to. Life takes random turns like a bitch lacking driving skills who decides she needs to turn left from the right lane. I wake up to the cold weather now with a sort of emptiness that makes me feel wise. The Jason Mraz fascination has somewhat faded though I am still and I believe forever will be enamored with his voice and his message. Everything is different, but I think I've been here before.
This site is going for days without updates, along with several other sites I've created. Out of laziness and a blase feeling.
Some four months back, I remember, I sat with someone I wanted to comfort and befriend. He complained of being jaded. I didn't understand, but I think I do now. I wish I could tell him, but then again, he's probably moved on from that feeling by now, and soon I will too. I miss him.
This is a long post only because of the previous posts. Let's see if we can make it longer though.
A, B, C, D, and E three years later =P
A - Never heard from again. Rumour has it he's most likely married. Good for him.
B - Finally made it out of Kansas, but still with the same small town mentality - bless his heart. I had a dream about it fairly recently. We were sitting around chatting like we used to and I laughed so much I woke myself up. He's a funny guy, and that's how I'll always remember him to be.
C - If you notice on the Dec. 2003 blog I mention "Guy A,B,D, and whoever else is gone" no mention of C. C and I had most likely the best non-relationship anyone could ever ask for. I still see him now and then, a few words exchanged here and there. We smile, we nod, and we understand. That's as good as it gets.
D - Probably still sits at the coffee house looking like there's nothing to do. I doubt he'll ever change.
E - Out of sight, out of mind, almost. It's still a joke amongst friends the crush I had. We whisper and giggle and we'll never forget.
People always ask why I chose to date so much. What was in my mind? I guess it's summed up by the blog that preceded them all.
No, I refuse to go down like that. People, I am not afraid of pain, bring it on! Yes, there is inevitable defeat, but imagine all the good times before that, all the good sex, the good jokes, the cuddling, smiling, stare into my eyes, and give me butterfly kisses moments. I would not trade those. Time is fleeting, true, but memories of those moments remind you of how happy someone can actually be, how comforted and content. We've all had those moments before, and we can all have them again. Some will last longer than others, but more moments are out there just waiting for you to holla "Next!"
