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MULTITASKER GIRL DOES IT AGAIN
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Thursday, December 28, 2006
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I seriously am hesitant in doing this because I got such crap the last time I did a guy list, but I seriously feel like I have to lay it all out to help me make some decisions. And I'm sorry but this is my website, about my life, and if you don't like it, then click away!
Okay, we should start this with the Ex Factor. For simplicity sake we'll call him Guy X.
Guy X. Everybody knows him. Everybody came to hate him. But I fell in love and I tried really hard to make it work. He was abusive in every aspect, but I thought (probably like most victims of domestic abuse) that he would soon realize how much he's hurt me and reward my loyalty with undying love. Well, shit has hit the fan, and I thought maybe I can keep hoping it'll turn back around, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I'm still letting him hurt me in a way. Well, I guess we'll have to remedy that, right?
I start thinking about how I wanted my life to be, and how even if the person I planned on having that life with has bowed out it doesn't mean I have to change my plans. I just have to find a better suited person.
So here's the new list...
New Guy A - Very supportive. From the first day I met him, which was last summer, he has been making smile through all the heartache, has been 100% behind my every decision, and has guaranteed to catch me from every fall. He has not let me down yet. Despite the fact that I know I've let him down a couple of times already. So this time around he's still here for me, and he's still adamant he'll take care of me. Yesterday morning he asked me to be his date for New Year's Eve. I was of course giddy. For one I don't remember the last time I was asked out on a date. Mostly it's just "Where you gonna be at?" text messages. Then he started making plans about where we were going to go, and options of where will be staying and who we'll book to drive. Yeah, he's really nice about not making me drive when we go out. I get very into the spirit and ask if we should match outfits =D
New Guy B - I met through a mutual friend. I showed up at one of the his house parties and he got my number somehow. I don't really know him, but from knowing some of his friends and seeing how everyone is always trying to go back to his house for an after party I listed him off. I thought, it's fine to go out now and then, but I don't want to live in a constant party. On most usual days I'm at home watching geeky TV shows, blogging about geeky things, trying to get a higher score on JawBreaker or reading. At one point while he was out with his buddies on a different night he left them to meet me out. We had an awesome time playing pool and hanging out. I introduced him to most of my friends I saw out and he got along with all of them. Yes, a little impressed. Of course, he was having an after party at his house, or so I thought. I was invited over and I declined. I didn't know it was a big deal until I got a call the next day. Let's see if I can hit it verbatum, "Hey, this is what I was going to say. I had a lot of fun with you last night, and it makes me want to change." Yeah, when was the last time anyone said anything gushy to me like that. I heard later on that the after party was moved to a different friend's house and he opted for ending the night earlier than usual.
So, two really great guys with so much potential. And even just blogging about it I can't feel bad anymore. I use to bluff and say there's a waiting line for a second of my time, but I was bluffing. This is beyond what I expected, actually I was ready for an entire year of sulking around.
So, the dilemma is my New Year's Eve superstition. What you do when the new year rolls around is what you end up doing for the rest of the year. I already made plans with Guy A. But then a friend mentioned that maybe there's a reason why the last time I had to choose between Guy A and someone else I chose someone else. So I'm a tad bit afraid I'll only be settling. I don't want to settle. I refuse to let my current state of loneliness push me into another failed relationship. Guy B hasn't even asked me what I'm doing New Year's Eve yet. Maybe he's just assumed I'll be hanging out because our group has been out most of this holiday week. But one more hurt for Guy A and even if I don't lose him forever I still won't be able to live with myself. I just can't use people like that. Maybe Guy A is going to be the one that will be there for me for the rest of my life. Or maybe Guy B will show me the romantic story line I've been looking for. Ahhhh!
I think maybe I should just stay home and not meet any more people until New Year's Eve. I can't handle any more choices. |
posted by Jenni @ 12:40 PM  |
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