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MULTITASKER GIRL TRIES NOT TO DIE
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Thursday, January 03, 2008
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Guess who is sick again? I have armed myself with green tea, Sudafed, cough drops, Maruchan, and tons of Kleenex, (actually Puffs plus lotion with the scent of Vicks, according to the package.) I was already all sorts of sore yesterday but didn't think much of it, crediting it to a little too much extra curriculars from the days prior. To my dismay I woke up this morning without any doubt in my mind that I would be death walking. I was contemplating calling in, but that would go against my resolution to be grown up. As I told Eli this morning, “Grown ups go to work even when they are sick, because they have bills to pay.” And even if I only have pretend bills, I’m looking at this opportunity as grown up practice. Of course, I’ve been “practicing” for a good part of this decade, but I think I’m getting closer.
So I got out of bed, kept myself from reasoning my way out of working. I dressed for the occasion as always. I consciously picked an outfit that made me look like I didn’t care today (already funny) but made sure I was still color coordinated, clean and ironed. I put just enough powder on my face to even out my skin tone, but not enough to cover the puffiness and redness. I was somehow convinced that looking sick, would comfort me somehow, the same way sick people that stay home don’t get out of their pajamas. Well, it sounds silly now, but being sick makes you think crazy stuff.
I left early enough to pick up my prescription my WalGreens, and grab the essentials listed above. – On a side note: Right as I parked at WalGreens my phone alarm went off. ”Somebody will address you and tell you something you have been waiting to hear.” It was a little bittersweet since I knew no one would be calling or texting me this morning, so I cynically thought, maybe my anti-anxiety meds are ready. I had been waiting on them for almost a week, due to the holidays and doctor’s offices having been closed. Walked around the store picked up my stuff, and tried not to get distracted by the magazine rack, as I usually do. Went to the Pharmacy, they picked up my meds I had come to get and rang everything up, then the lady at the counter grabbed another package and scanned it in. So I guess, I was right. Well, duh, I know I was right, I have the packages. It was funny, but still not the news I was wanting to hear. I guess that’s why they said ”something you have been waiting to hear” and not ”something you’ve been wanting to hear. Oh well. It was worth a try.
Even as I was trying to find a parking spot at work, I knew I still had the option to just call the sick line and drive back. I hope everyone understands the weight in this story. I am very proud of myself for clocking in today. As I booted my computer up Eli IM’s me and fesses up that he had planned on messing with me at 9:21am and send me an off the wall message. (It was not so off the wall if you ask me, but Eli is not the most original gay guy out there =D ) Anyway, I was not logged in to my messenger so he missed the opportunity. I’m not sure how much time we spent instant messaging each other but I don’t think much was accomplished. I know, however, that I am mad at him now, and am expecting a miniature Cherry Blossom tree as compensation. Or at the very least some type of flower.
Jennifer has been on my IM consistently today as well. I think we have so far managed to cover every imaginable subject not the least bit interesting to anyone else but us. Currently I have sent her off and challenged her to a blog off. Basically, whoever has the most word count on their blog for the day. Which isn’t really fair, I was already set to be typing for the rest of the day. This illness has incapacitated my social skills, therefore my only outlet is to sit here and type my woes. I’m not quite sure if she knew how much I can write. Then imagine how much more I’d be typing if I didn’t censor myself. If I didn’t keep things secret. Like who was I with New Year’s eve, and where was I all of New Year’s day, and why am I mad at Eli, and what have I been over thinking, and why am I taking anti-anxiety meds, and where is Waldo. All those things, I could write novels about, especially the Waldo bit.
Anyway, I can share some things. Let’s start the semi recap.
Becky heard from me a couple days prior to New Year’s eve. It was a mini breakdown. Everything seemed clouded with questions, or more like uncertainty. And I was basically having mixed emotions about the men in my life, you know relationships, ex relationships, pseudo relationships, the whole gamut. Where was I going with my life? Am I even remotely close to being who I’m supposed to be already? Basically, I’ve been watching a little too much Felicity. She evened me out, scolded me a bit, and sent me on my merry way. I thought everything was settled until the midnight texter. How funny I thought that that all happened that night. Being big on fate and destiny I thought there was a reason. So I pursued it and it threw me into this big 24 hour whirlwind self discovery. And it was awesome! Not quite resolved but closer.
So in the best Felicity version:
Dear Sally,
We have people in our lives we don’t think we can ever let go off. But then something happens. You get a second chance. You see them again, and they give you this window of opportunity to pretend that nothing has changed. And it’s wonderful, everything is, until you realize that you’re just pretending. Because things have changed. You’ve somehow grown away from them. When you looked at them before all you could see was the rest of your life, and now it’s like looking into the definite past. So in that second chance, that you’ve always hoped would come, you actually get awarded with some feeling of freedom.
I’m not going to include this next part into my Felicity dialog, because Felicity is supposed to solve her problem at the end of the letter, and me I’m just getting to the nitty gritty. With this “feeling of freedom” I’ve gotten a bit, I don’t know if there’s a term, relationship anxious. It’s like, all these possibilities for real relationships, that I always passed up because of emotional availability, and now I’m looking at every single one of them frantically as if this freedom has an expiration date. I mean, I know that’s ridiculous, but it feels that way, and I can’t shake it off.
So, this has ended up being the long meaningful blog Jennifer was requesting earlier. Who knew, right? All this time I’ve managed to keep this site semi shallow and I get hit with this cold or flu thing, and blah, I put everything out on print. Once I start taking the meds, we’ll see how much changes. I don’t really think I need it now, but just for kicks, let’s see how messed up I really am. I half expect to read this all over again next week, and think, “what in the world was I babbling about?”
LOL. Jennifer is back on the messenger. I guess she is done blogging. She’s trying to convince me to work out with her. She’s been wanting me to run for awhile. I run a lot, in the office, in school, but not recreationally, and not without heels on. I somehow foresee myself caving in though, she a bit persistent. I think it’s an only-child quality she has managed not to let go of. But she is willing to do the blog marathon with me, I guess I can try to run her race. (I already see her beeming after reading that.)
Oh, and my itinerary for the rest of the week, for those who requested:
- Tonight I’ll be at work ‘til 7:30pm. There was a get together at a friend’s that I don’t think I’ll be able to make it to considering my current state.
- Tomorrow night is a regular Friday night so guess.
- Saturday, my coworkers are having a thing at this place, and I do believe Carla and Paul will be out as well.
- At this point, I think I will make Sunday my day of rest.
- Monday it starts all over again.
P.S. Please forgive any typos or misspells. I would usually take the time to reread and edit, but not now, not today. I hope you all understand. |
posted by Jenni @ 4:38 PM  |
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| 2 Comments: |
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Oh regardless of word count you win on this one hands down. For being sick and medicated, you're thoughtful. Maybe you're thoughtful BECAUSE you're sick and medicated! I don't like the part, though, where you make me out to be some IM stalker. I gave that up last time I was arrested. :)
I do need a workout buddy! I am an only child and should not be excted to do EVERYTHING by myself! :)
Get better Jen!! Don't you dare give me germs!
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Good blog.
P.S. I thought you were five-days beyond your expiration date, by the way. You'll need to check your shelf-life again.
P.P.S. Let me in on the blogathon next time. Brian wants in too. He has a new sci-fi blog. LOL. He's trying to get a job at b5media. Let's see if he gets the gig. :)
Good luck, baby!
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Oh regardless of word count you win on this one hands down. For being sick and medicated, you're thoughtful. Maybe you're thoughtful BECAUSE you're sick and medicated! I don't like the part, though, where you make me out to be some IM stalker. I gave that up last time I was arrested. :)
I do need a workout buddy! I am an only child and should not be excted to do EVERYTHING by myself! :)
Get better Jen!! Don't you dare give me germs!